All of Your Love
by Thursday-26
Summary: How Jack and Ralph fall apart, then come back together again some time later... Will everything work out or will they have to continue living without each other? I don't own anything. Please remember that. bad summary...
1. All of Your Love

_[Boy],you wanted_

_To shut it all off and make a run for the door._

_For every inch we make it, _

_We need a mile more._

I feel like we've been fighting more and more. Every time we try something out, it just seems to crumble out from under our feet. Like this time, for instance, Jack and I planned to go out for a night together, but then his mother called and insisted we have supper with her. Jack cannot refuse his own mother, so I'm stuck cooking something last minute because Jack would burn water. He just didn't want to piss her off anymore. After we told Jack's family about our relationship, they were upset, but more or less supportive. Jack's mother especially. She means well, but I'd rather she stay at home and mean well from afar. "Ralph! Are you done yet? My mum will be here in a few minutes!" Jack called from the other room. Probably waiting by the door eagerly for his mother like a stupid puppy.

"It should be done when she gets here!" I called back angrily, snapping off my apron so I could finally get ready. Jack really irked me tonight because he refused to even look over the food so I could have a second to actually make myself presentable. He'd be upset with me if his mother saw me in my house clothes and not my Sunday best. "If you smell something burning, call me as quick as you can! I'm going to get ready," I yelled at him, wiping my dirty hands off on my pants.

I ran upstairs as fast as I could, before Jack could whine or complain. He was grumbling something under his breath as I heard his feet shuffling towards the kitchen. Jack was lucky. My father would roll over in his grave if he saw me in the kitchen. Mother doesn't even talk to me anymore. I shucked off my dirty trousers and shirt and replaced them with clean ones. "Ralph! Ralph! She's here!" Jack called excitedly from downstairs. I sighed and hurried back downstairs to watch over the food. Now I have to be extra careful.

As soon as I got back into the kitchen, the door to our home flung open and a loud woman walked in, "Merridew! Honey! Lovely to see you again!" My heartbeat picked up. She always made me feel nervous because she always seemed to be analyzing everything I did, waiting for me to mess up.

"Mum, I'm so glad to see you too," Jack responded just as eagerly and as loudly.

"Where's Ralph? I haven't seen him in ages."

I rolled my eyes. She visits every other day. "He's making supper Mum."

She scoffed loudly, "And why are you out here talking to me? Get in there and help out your boyfriend!"

Jack muttered a small 'yes mum' and he came into the kitchen. Too bad supper was almost done. Come to think of it, this was the first time I had been in the same room as Jack just tonight. I remember Jack from the island being ugly and awkward and mostly a pain in my ass. Now, he has grown taller than me, not by much, but enough, his flaming red hair has lost some of its brightness and turned to a rustic brown, and his eyes have gotten brighter. I love his eyes. He's outfitted in some black dress trousers and a crisp, white button-up.

He doesn't look too happy to be stuck with me. "This is the first time today we've been in the same room," I pointed out, stirring the soup a bit. I'm not even sure what this was now. Everything went in when I found out I had to make supper.

"It has now? It feels like I can't get away from you," Jack responded evenly, not even looking into my eyes. There was a sharp pang in my heart. I couldn't even reply without drawing the attention of his mother. Jack could be an ass like that and pick a fight in front of his mother.

"Are you looking for an excuse to break up?" I asked, sounding a lot more confident than I felt.

Now he looks at me, but there's worry in his eyes, "Why would I do that?"

"Because you're trying to get away from me, and on our date night, you invited your mother over for supper. I think we'll be lucky not to be poisoned by this soup," I growled, stabbing the liquid and splashing the sides of the pot. Chunks of whatever I threw in there bubbled to the top and sunk back down.

"No, no. It's not like that Ralph." He came close enough to me I could feel his body heat. I looked up at his eyes. He looked like he was asking permission for something. I looked back at the supper and leaned into him, enjoying the warmth. He wrapped his arms around me and held me there. This felt nice. Just being held by Jack was enough to satisfy me, even if only for a little while.

We stood there for a few more minutes before I had to break away and turn off the stove. "Supper's ready," I mumbled picking the heavy pot off the stove.

_But there is always so much distance, can't help but feel it somehow._

_But you have never ever felt it like you feel it right now._

_I'm closin' off inside and, oh, it's only just started._

_And you can't be close enough unless I'm feeling your heartbeat._

Even though we have those moments, where all we need is each other, I can still feel the distance between us. I hate to admit it, but I'm scared. Jack's the only thing I have left and it terrifies me at the thought of losing him. I'm not even trying to get close to him anymore because I'll just keep on getting pushed away. Jack set out some bowls and spoons and I dished up everyone. Jack's mother, Maryanne, was beautiful for someone her age. Her hair had only started to grey, but still was an eccentric red and her brown eyes shone with pride. Jack and her were very alike actually. It made me mad. "I'm sorry if it's not good. I only had a little bit of time to prepare it," I apologized while scooping some of the soup out.

"It's alright dear. I know how hard you try," she smiled and picked up her spoon. I gave a bit to Jack before filling my own bowl. When I sat down, everyone else started eating. No one said anything. The soup was terrible. I could barely stand it, but everyone ate it graciously. "Thank you for the meal Ralph. It was good," Maryanne smiled, pushing her bowl away from her.

I nodded politely, deciding to take the compliment, "Thank you Maryanne. I'll take your dishes."

"Nonsense," she shook her head, "You cooked. Jack, you clean up." Jack nodded obediently and did what he was told. Maryanne turned to face me, "Are you okay Ralph? Something seems wrong."

That shocked me. "Nothing's wrong Maryanne. Why would you ask?"

"I don't know, but you and Merridew seem really distant. Did you boys have a fight?"

I shook my head, "No. There's nothing wrong."

She huffed out a breath, but dropped the subject. "I think I'm going to take my leave now," she stated suddenly, standing up.

"You haven't even had tea yet," I argued. Normally I would try to push Maryanne out the door, so the comment made me stop and think for a second.

She shook her head, "No. I'm leaving. There's obviously something you two need to talk about. I can't be here all the time and you can't avoid it. Escort me to the door." I did that, letting her loop around my arm like I was a butler. She rambled on throughout the short distance between the dining table and the front door. I helped her into her coat and held the door open for her. "Bye Merridew! Be good!" Maryanne yelled into the house before leaving.

"Love you Mum!" he called back, not even knowing she had left yet. I went into the kitchen and started drying the dishes Jack had washed. We worked in silence, the only sound being the bubbles popping in the sink and the occasional spoon scraping a bowl.

"I'm sorry about dinner," I mumbled, setting the dry bowls in a pile on the counter, "I know I really botched it up."

Jack shrugged, "That's alright. Mum knows you can't cook."

"I can cook better than you though," I pointed out playfully, hoping to lighten up the mood. It didn't.

"Maybe we should have taken Mum out to eat. She's probably going to do that anyways. We have some extra cash so we could have."

"Jack, you know that we saved that money for us to go out. Not us and your mother."

"Well, I would have offered to take your mum out if she asked," Jack growled. He must have known that hit a weak spot because he cringed away as soon as he said it, but he refused to back down.

"My mother won't even talk to me anymore because of us! I gave up the only family I had left for you Jack!" I yelled, tossing the towel down and refusing to do anything else, "Is it selfish for me to ask you to say no to your mother just for one night so we can salvage whatever we have left!"

"Yes, I think it is selfish! My papa won't even talk to me anymore either! I'm not about to shut my mother out of my life!"

"I'm not asking you to push her to the side! I'm asking for one night for just us! I'm tired of putting together last minute meals because your mother calls and we have to hold her up! I'm tired of it!" I screamed, feeling myself go red in anger.

Jack looked down at me, his own eyes fierce with hatred, "I'm not about to push her away! She's all I have left!"

"What about me! Do I mean nothing to you anymore?" I could feel tears starting to well up, "Is it wrong for me to want to spend some time alone with you?" He looked at a loss of words. It pained me to see it, but I could care less right now. "You can stay on the couch tonight," I grumbled and left for our shared bedroom.

_All of your love_

_Was all that I needed._

_All of your love_

_Was all that I needed._

I got into our room and rustled through the top drawer in the wardrobe, pulling out a pair of pyjamas. Then I chucked them out the door into the hallway. I didn't even want to deal with Jack tonight. He was always going to be like this. I tore off my clothes angrily and changed into my own pyjamas. Although, I couldn't really tell whose clothes were whose now. We always shared our clothes. I buttoned up the top slowly, thinking about our relationship.

When we got back from the island, we were separated. Jack's family took him somewhere new and my father moved the family once I got back. Father died after about three months after I got back. I didn't even get to see him after that initial week. Mother moved us back into the city, so we could live with her mother and try to make ends meet. I went to the local private school, one of the main financial problems in our family, and tried my best to keep my grades up. Everything happened so fast, I didn't really have time to mourn any of my losses.

One day, I ran into Jack and everything seemed to crumble. He reminded me of losing Simon and Piggy, then I remembered my father and cried like I had nothing left. Jack did something I didn't expect that day. I thought he would laugh at me, or call me a baby, but he patted my shoulder and apologized. That brought on an onslaught of fresh tears. Quickly after that, we became fast friends.

We stayed close for about five years, just as friends. Then, one drunken night, everything was messed up. I woke up in his bed, starkers, as was he. A normal guy would have felt mortified, but I couldn't feel any fear or mortification. It's almost like everything felt right. I curled back into him and fell back asleep.

That's how we started. We were able to keep it a secret for about three years, but then Jack's mother walked in on us kissing. She was shocked, and didn't talk to Jack for a while, but it eventually normalized. I told my own mother after that. She packed up and moved away without telling me where she was going.

I plopped face first onto the bed and wrapped myself around Jack's pillow. It smelled like him. All I want is someone to love me, with all of their love.

_[Boy], what are you doing now?_

_And are you going out? Or has your life shut down?_

_Are you there? This string keeps cutting out_

_I feel like freaking out but we keep reaching out._

_But there is always so much distance, can't help but feel it somehow._

_But you have never ever felt it like you feel right now._

_I'm closin' off inside and, oh, it's only just started_

_And you can't be close enough unless I'm feeling your heartbeat._

The front door slammed shut. Jack was probably going down to the pub. I hate it when he goes to the pub. Even though I practically gave him permission to go, I still didn't want him to. There have been a couple of times that Jack has come back from the pub, with that dopey smile on his face, that same one that he gets after sex. He usually smells like someone else, man or woman, and he is drunk 99% of the time.

Jack hasn't touched me in about three months now. I don't want this to end, I really don't, but he's making it hard. Jack is almost too bipolar for me. Some days, he's the same guy as he was in the kitchen earlier, but most days he's so distant I know that he can see it. I don't know why I keep on hanging onto him. He only treats me well whenever he wants something from me and he just doesn't seem to care what happens to me. It's to be expected though. After almost five years of dating, one of us was bound to get bored of the other. It's sad that I'm clinging so tightly to this man.

Tears started falling out of my eyes. I buried my face into his pillow and started to doze off. Blackness enveloped me quickly.

I woke up slightly when I felt someone tug at the pillow I had a death grip on. Right now, I was too tired to really care about what happened to the pillow. It got tugged out of my grasp and I could feel a small whimper in the back of my throat. I don't even know if it ws audible. There was suddenly warm lips on my forehead, "I'm sorry." Jack's warm hand brushed through my hair near my ear, calming me like a lazy cat. "You're probably going to be mad at me..." he whispered and pulled away. I kept on pretending I was asleep, seeing where this would go.

The blankets were pulled up and another body laid down on the bed. Jack wrapped his arms around me, making me feel warm almost instantly. I relaxed into his hold, cuddling closer to him and hiding a smile in his chest. His heartbeat thudded in my ear, helping me relax even more. "I love you Ralph. I love you so much," Jack murmured, placing another kiss on the top of my head. I could feel sleep attacking me. There was no way to fight it.

_All of your love_

_Was all that I needed._

_All of your love_

_Was all that I needed._

Saturday, a day for being lazy or catching up with housework. I loved Saturdays because I was allowed to sleep in. When I started to wake up, I could still feel a warm body beside me. I didn't dare to open my eyes, just in case he decided to leave again. My ear was pressed up against his chest, an even rhythm pounding into my ear. I sighed. "I know you're up Ralph," he stated, stiffening and his heart rate speeding up.

"Where did you go last night?" I asked, gripping onto his shirt tightly, refusing to let him go.

"For a walk. Just down the street."

I felt myself well up, "You went to the pub again?" The pub was just down the street from us.

"If you didn't push me away every other day—" he accused. I sat straight up and glared at him.

"I'm not trying to push you away Jack! You're the one pushing me away! I'm always trying to figure out something so we can be together, but you go and mess it up! Every time! Then you bitch about being pushed away!" I couldn't even continue my rant. My tears were too strong. Sobs overtook my ability to speak right now.

"Ralph..." he coaxed, trying to get me to calm down. His hand started to stroke my arm gently. I couldn't handle it anymore.

I slapped away his hand and look him straight into the eye, "No! I can't do this anymore! I'm so scared of losing you I'm driving myself crazy! I deserve someone who doesn't make me wonder if he's sleeping with another person while I'm waiting up here, hoping that he's going to be okay! No Jack! I deserve way better!"

"Are you breaking up with me?" he choked out, looking devastated.

I sniffled a little, "I don't want to, but I think we have to."

Jack shook his head stubbornly. "We're not breaking up Ralph. I won't let you berak us up."

"Now it's my fault everything's been shitty?" I jumped out of the bed, my body craving that warmth once again almost immediately, "Jack, it's over! I'm tired of worrying over you when I know you don't even like me!" Jack didn't move, but he looked heartbroken.

"Ralph, I love you so much. You have no idea what I'd do for you. None of this is anyone's fault. What I meant was, I don't want to have to give you up Ralph. I'm scared too, of losing what we have."

"Why do you keep on ruining our alone time?"

Jack sighed, "I needed someone else to talk to, so I asked my mum how to handle this. I didn't really do a good job in reassuring you." He sounded angry with himself. "And I didn't mean anything I said last night. My fricken pride wouldn't let me take back what I said. I'm sorry. I am so sorry Ralph." His eyes darkened. That's what I loved most about Jack's eyes. They always darken or brighten with his mood. Then a light seemed to go off in his head, "You're right. You do deserve so much better than me. I am being selfish, holding onto you so desperately, when you just want to leave."

I could feel hot tears running down my face. Jack hasn't shown this side of him in months. I missed it so much. Without thinking, I flung myself at Jack, clinging around his neck and knocking him onto his back. His arms wrapped around my waist and he held onto me while I cried into his chest. I could hear him whispering something and mussing up my hair a bit. There wasn't really anything I could say now, so I just continued to cry. I cried for two things, first off, I could clearly see how distant we have become and, secondly, how weak I was. He gave me the option to leave and I ran back into his arms. "Ralph, it's going to be okay. I promise," Jack whispered, kissing me lightly on the top of my head.

"How do you know that?" I choked out, pushing away from him with more force than I thought I had. We ended up sitting on opposite ends of the bed. "Things have been shaky ever since we told our families. That was two years ago." I let that hang in the air for a bit. "And why should I forgive you? Every time you go down to the pub, you come back drunk and smelling like whoever you shagged. I haven't even thought about anyone else because I love you."

Jack hung his head in shame. "I know I've been unfaithful." I choked on some air. Those were just assumptions, but now, when he admits it, I feel my heart break into two. Jack continued anyways, "Because I went there so much, I was good friends with the bartender. He wouldn't serve me last night. Even though he knew I would call his boss and complain, he refused and he wouldn't let the other bartender near me the entire time I was there. Then, he told me to grow up. Just as simple as that. That guy has listened to me bitch and bitch about our problems, even though he probably can't stand the thought of two guys being together. He continued to bitch me out for complaining about something some people never find. His exact words, 'I don't like this very much, but I know you love him more than anything because your eyes light up every time you say his name'."

Jack was a downright bastard. I wanted to be mad at him. I want to make him beg and grovel for my forgiveness, but he just makes it so hard to stay mad at him. There were so many things I could say, but, for now, I would tread in safe water. "What else has he said?" I asked, feeling a bit better.

He reached over and grabbed onto my hand before he continued, "He yelled at me so much last night, I think he might be on suspension for a couple of days. He told me that happy couples have to fight, otherwise they snap at each other and break up over the little things. And he also called me a lucky bastard because I had someone to come home to that can put up with my bullshit day in and day out." I snorted a little, trying to stifle a laugh. Then I glared at him. I have to be mad. "He left me alone, to think. Then a girl came up to me, started flirting too." My breath hitched in my throat.

_[Boy], it's hard enough_

_Just to move around._

_It's hard enough,_

_Just to move around._

"She offered me a 'fun time' and, honestly, I considered it. Then Pete, the bartender, glared at me. Even though this has been a rough patch, I had to consider, was it really worth it to give you up for some floozy? That's when I came home. That's why I crawled into bed with you instead of just staying out on the couch like you wanted me to. I don't want to be apart anymore."

I couldn't stand to look at him anymore; I would lose any ground that I had gained in this argument. "How many times?" I whispered, bracing myself for the response. He was silent for a while, then I elaborated, "How many times have you cheated on me?"

"Three."

A sound came out of my mouth, something like a laugh and a sob. "You've been to the pub more than three times and you've come home with that wretched, stupid grin on your face. There's no way it's only been three times."

He put his hand under my chin and forced me to look into his eyes. Those bright eyes swam with guilt. "Three times I've had sex. Every other time was a blow job in the back alley or bathroom."

"You don't consider those cheating?"

"I do, but I just think those are easier to deal with," he admitted, looking deeply into my eyes.

I shook my head and fell into his chest, "They aren't. Why should I forgive you? Why shouldn't I go out and find someone better?"

His hand rubbed up and down my back, calming to the point where I wasn't on the brink of crying anymore. "You shouldn't forgive me. I don't deserve it. And if you want to find someone else, I'm not going to try and stop you because I've been terrible. You do deserve better than me." Jack's voice was starting to get shaky. I hate this man, more than anyone else in the world, but I love him so dearly it's heartbreaking.

I didn't reply to him. Instead, I grabbed onto the front of his shirt, keeping him sitting beside me. I didn't want to move. His heart beated evenly beside me ear, soothing me quickly.

_I wanted you, oh, I wanted you_

_Oh, I wanted you to move._

_Oh, I wanted you, [Boy], I wanted you to move_

_Around, around._

We didn't move for a while. I didn't care how long we sat like this. Jack was back to the man I fell in love with and I never wanted him to leave. This closeness feels almost surreal. We haven't been able to be within arm's reach of each other for a while, minus last night. Then, Jack's hand started rubbing a sensitive spot near my right hipbone. I squirmed, trying my best not to enjoy that touch.

He started leaving small kisses on the top of my head, near my hairline. I whimpered and leaned towards that mouth. Jack kissed down my face until he reached my lips, where he stayed for quite a while. It's been too long. I need him to touch me.

As if he read my mind, Jack flipped us so I was laying beneath him and his hand started moving underneath my shirt. I arched into the touch. The touch was so foreign and so familiar at the same time. It was weird to distinguish, but all I know is I need more.

I grabbed onto the back of his head, winding my fingers into his rusty hair, and kissing him roughly. Our tongues danced wildly to an unknown beat. Then, my shirt was completely open, exposing my overheating chest to him. I moved my hands down his neck, over his ears and down his shoulders, then onto his chest. Where I started to undo the buttons on his shirt. My hands were fumbling lamely to undo the godforsaken buttons. Jack didn't help much by biting on my neck and at that place behind my ear that was embarrassingly sensitive. "J-Jack!" I gasped when he bit onto my sensitive spot.

He kept on playing with my neck, while his hands moved to help me. I never understood how he could be so in control, whilst I can barely form a coherent sentence. Soon, his shirt was open and across the room somewhere. He pressed our chests together, making me whine and arch into him. It's been way too long. His mouth started leaving open-mouthed kisses all down my chest, stopping at my nipples for a while. Too long in my opinion, but I couldn't even think about voicing my thoughts.

The only sounds I can make out is the heavy panting by both of us and the rustling of sheets underneath me. Jack moved quickly after he toyed with my nipples. My pyjama pants were off in the next few minutes, leaving me completely exposed to him. He leaned back and looked at me. Just looked at me. With that goddamn hungry look in his eyes. I moaned and squirmed under his gaze, unable to control it. His eyes were too much for me. Too intense. "P-Please Jack..." I begged, finally able to get my voice box to work.

That seemed to work because his mouth was attacking my mouth again. There were some words Jack whispered whenever he broke away for mere seconds. Most sounded like 'sorry' and 'love you' and 'god'. Jack is normally very quiet during sex. Hearing his deep voice, in that husky tone, makes me whine again. It's so uncommon and so sexy it drives me wild.

His finger is suddenly pushing into me, without warning. Or maybe he did warn me, but I was too out of control to notice. I moaned and arched my back, breaking away from his mouth. God, it stung, but it felt so good. He played with one finger for a while, before pushing in a second, dry finger. It burned like fire, but I couldn't stop the immense pleasure that shot up my spine. Just the thought of Jack doing this to me was enough to push aside all the pain I was feeling.

A third finger joined soon after, stretching me uncomfortably. He made short work of the pain by finding my prostate quickly. I arched again, trying to get those fingers deeper inside of me, but he pulled them out. A loud whine left my throat and I opened my eyes a little to beg Jack with them, since I had lost the ability to speak long ago. I watched Jack spit into his hand and rub his erection slowly.

There was a tiny groan of impatience, then Jack positioned himself right at my hole, my ankles by his ears. I flopped my head back, preparing myself for the penetration. He slowly started to push in, the burn returning almost immediately. I hated how this felt so right, like everything was meant to be like this.

I felt his thighs against my arse and he waited. He always waited for me to tell him to go. The only considerate thing his pride will ever let him do. I gripped onto the sheet, biting my lip and forcing myself through the pain. Jack doesn't understand that the pain will go away faster if he moves. I nodded slightly, praying that he saw it. He did, rocking back and forth a bit.

A loud moan broke free from my throat. That urged Jack on to move faster, harder. I loved how he felt inside me. He dropped my legs from his shoulders and leaned in to bite at my neck. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, digging my nails into his back. My legs wrapped around his waist, trying to push him deeper inside of me. "A-Ah! ah!" I cried out as he pounded against my prostate. "I-I can-can't!" I screamed, right into his ear, and held on tighter to him. Like he would disappear if I didn't.

He moved even faster than before, which I didn't think was possible, and made my orgasm approach with a scary speed. I felt him brush against my prostate two more times before I came hard, all over our stomachs. My body tensed up completely, my back arching into his chest and smearing the cum a bit. He came hard inside me seconds later, the semen feeling like molten lava and oh-so good. I kept on moaning as he milked out his orgasm, not daring to stop until he was dry.

Jack pulled out slowly, letting his semen dribble out, and he fell beside me, breathing hard. I turned over to face him, trying to ignore what was going on below my waist. Jack rolled onto his side and laced his hand into mine, that goofy grin spread across his face. I realized that my shirt never actually came off, but neither did Jack's pants. "I love you Ralph. I mean it," Jack whispered, his eyes beaming the most utter sincerity.

I felt myself choke up a bit, feeling so happy to hear those words, "I love you too..." Jack pulled me into his arms, cuddling around me. I kept my hands on his chest, feeling the heartbeat slow down until it was even. Then his breathing came out very even and very deep. I knew that he was asleep. Slowly, I started to nod off, my own mind deciding not to plague me for now.

I woke up thanks to my rumbling stomach. Jack wasn't in bed with me. I felt a small twinge of fear in thinking that what happened was a very realistic, cruel dream. The thing that stopped my panic was the fact that I didn't have any pants on, and my lower body ached wonderfully. "Shit!" Jack cursed from down the hall, pots clattering afterwards. I got up, finding some underwear and going out to the kitchen, to see if he needed any help.

"Are you alright?" I asked, startling him a bit. The kitchen is an absolute mess. I don't even want to know what he managed to splatter all over the walls.

"I'm fine. You were right though, I can't cook," he joked, smiling crookedly afterwards. He was only in some sleeping pants, that hung quite loosely around his waist.

I went over to him and peered at what was in the pot, "What was that supposed to be?"

The rest of the morning went by beautifully. We had a very late lunch, some tea, then went back to bed. A perfect Saturday in my mind. We left the kitchen in a mess, deciding reality can wait until Monday. I wanted to ride out this feeling of ecstasy, but I know that this will not last. This has been happening on and off for almost a year now.

Next week, we'll get into a big fight, he'll go off to the pub, then we'll start the whole cycle over again. There was no changing it.

_All of your love_

_Was all that I needed._

_All of your love_

_Was all that I needed._

Monday rolled around to fast for my liking. The kitchen got cleaned yesterday, after a rather large fight between me and Jack. He stormed out, leaving me alone with nothing to do. I didn't like this cycle, it was repeating itself too fast. The good times should outweigh the bad times, and they do if you count the feelings exchanged and not the amount of times.

Jack left early for work too, leaving me alone with my thoughts for too long. I decided that this needed to end and it needed to end now. My bags are packed and near the door. A letter of resignation is in my coat pocket, ready to be dropped off today. I wrote out a letter to Jack, explaining why I couldn't stay here anymore.

This felt cowardly, and I know that Jack will be upset and try to find me, but I have to let this go. I took one last look into this shared home, one with so many memories, shrugged into my coat, picked up my bags and headed out. Warm tears ran down my face as I walked down the street, but I didn't look back. Not once.

_All of your love_

_Was all that I needed._

_All of your love_

_Was all that I needed._


	2. Tonight I Wanna Cry

**I know, another songfic Thursday? Really? Well, yes, really. It's the only way to get the right emotions. So this one is by Keith Urban, I don't own, blah, blah blah... enjoy! And, yes, there will be a third chapter :)**

_Alone in this house again tonight  
>I've got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine<br>There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me  
>The way that it was and could have been surrounds me<br>I'll never get over you walkin' away _

Tonight, I couldn't even get myself to the door to try and go out. This is the seventh night in a row where I've been stuck in front of the tv with a bottle of wine. I can't seem to get my mind off of him. It doesn't help much that I haven't gotten around to taking down the pictures that Ralph put up so many months ago. It feels like just yesterday that I came home to find that letter. Right after he left, I took three days off from work to try and find him. Although he asked me not to in his letter, but I wasn't about to just let him go. Not after what had just happened.

I decided that I would try to get over him then, right away. The next few nights after my tiny search party for him, I went out every night. Trying to fill that hole that Ralph had left, and I would find it at any cost. Countless men and women filled my bed. All of them never good enough to be next to me.

Over the next few weeks, I got random bouts of depression. I was barely able to get up for work, or eat any food. And whenever I went to the pub to bring someone home, I would get nauseous. Days went by before I realized that I hadn't aten anything at all. I only noticed because I passed out at work and my boss had to call an ambulance. Then I made a constant effort to keep the liquor cabinet stocked. Alcohol seemed to be the only thing that helped my depression. My mother worries about me, but she doesn't visit half as often anymore.

The telly played in front of me, volume barely above a whisper. A guy wearing a stupid shirt and a headset was trying to sell something. I took another swig of red wine from the bottle and looked around the room. There wasn't any lights on in the room, only the light from the telly. I spotted Ralph's favorite picture of us. It was hard to see, but I knew it was his favorite because of the frame. The piece of plastic was too expensive in my opinion, and there was a small fight over it. He said it was worth it, only because of what he wanted to put in the frame. Once I saw the picture, I stopped arguing. I didn't apologize for being a prat though. The picture was of his college graduation party. He was in casual clothes, holding up a red beer cup, with his other arm swung around my shoulder. We had only been going out for a few months when the picture was taken.

It was his favorite because there wasn't a lot of pictures from our college days, this being one of the only good ones. He also said that that night was the best night of his life. That was the first time we had sex that we remembered. Ralph always counted that as our first time instead of that drunken one. I counted the drunken one, otherwise we wouldn't have been together.

I sighed and finished off the rest of the wine. This was my second bottle tonight. Logically, you'd think that my tolerance for alcohol would increase, but I've been getting drunker faster. It would take almost four bottles of wine to get me buzzed before Ralph, and now, I'm starting to see two stupid guys in stupid shirts trying to sell something equally, if not more, stupid.

_I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
>And I've thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control<br>But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
>To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain<br>From my eyes  
>Tonight I wanna cry.<em>

I felt warm tears streaking down my cheeks and my face burning up in embarrassment. Crying was showing weakness, something I haven't done since our days on the island. I didn't even cry when Ralph left and that felt like my heart was being torn out, and put back, only to be ripped out again. Ralph hasn't even seen me cry since that day. I don't even care anymore. There's no reason for me to be strong anymore. I just let myself cry harder and harder until I was starting to hyperventilate.

There was no way I could drink without getting a lung full of wine, so I set the almost new bottle onto the small table beside my chair, letting my face fall into my hands.

I hate to admit it, but crying is feeling so good now. The hole in my heart seemed filled, even if only for a second. The memory of Ralph washing over me, warming me for a few seconds. My eyes started to hurt and my stomach was clenching painfully. This, to me, is rock bottom. I've barely been able to go into work, sober. The only reason I still own the house is because my mother is paying for it.

Was Ralph able to find his mother? Did she welcome him back with open arms? Did he find another person to love? A nice girl maybe. Someone that can give him the child he deserves. I felt empty again, which brought on another set of tears. Even though I want Ralph to be happy, I don't want him to be happy without me. I calmed down enough to pull another swig of wine. The wine was so sweet because it hasn't sat for very long. It might as well be juice, but it's more than enough to get me drunk off my ass.

The only way to take the edge off the pain is to drink until I can't remember. With that thought, I put the bottle to my lips and drank until my lungs screamed from lack of oxygen. I slammed it back onto the table, gasping for air. The bottle was almost done.

I stood up, swaying a little bit, using the arm of my chair to prevent myself from falling flat on my face, and headed for my liquor cabinet. When Ralph was here, we were lucky if we had a bottle of wine for a romantic night. Now, it would make any bar jealous. I leaned against the cupboard, looking blankly at the labels, trying to remember how to read. My literacy went flying out the window. The only reason I knew what I was grabbing was based off label shape. I decided that it was time for something a little stronger, like some whiskey.

The new bottle was completely full. I smiled at my alcoholic friend, tucking it under my arm and carefully making my way back to my chair. The program had changed. This time it was a rather attractive woman showing off an ugly purse to the cameras. I groaned as I flopped back into my chair.

I polished off the wine before unscrewing the top to the whiskey.

_Would it help if i turned the sad song on  
>"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone<br>Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters  
>It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better<br>But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way._

Even after half of the whiskey was gone, probably poisoning my insides, I could still think clearly. Well, clearly enough to still understand how lonely I was and how I was going to remain lonely. I know I won't be able to move on from Ralph. He's the only one I've ever wanted to be with and I was a complete fool. And, even though this break up is completely, one hundred percent my fault, he still apologizes in his letter. He thinks it's his fault that I cheated.

I haven't read his letter in over seven months, the words are becoming forgotten. The bottle of whiskey stayed firmly in my grasp as I stumbled into the kitchen and fell into a chair. There was a small recipe box in the middle of the table. Not a single recipe was in there, mostly because I can't cook, and that's where I stored Ralph's letter. It serves as a reminder to me about what I was stupid enough to let go.

The white paper is starting to yellow, especially around the creases. It's wrinkled and looks so brittle. I unfold it as carefully as I can, my hands shaking constantly. The words still stand out, like a knife to the gut.

_Dear Jack, my love,_

_I am so sorry that I'm leaving you like this. I'm just tired of this routine we've gotten used_

_to. I know it's never going to end. You'll storm out, mad, make some terrible choices and _

_I'll be sitting at home, wondering whose arms you're in. It hurts too much. So, I had to _

_leave. I'm not expecting you to understand, or to even forgive me, but I would really _

_appreciate it if you wouldn't try and find me. I need some time to think. You have a natural_

_talent at making me so confused. _

_I don't even know if I'm coming back. It's too early to tell now. And I'm so sorry to have _

_written you a letter. You deserve a face-to-face conversation but I'm a coward and I can't_

_stand up for myself. That's probably why our relationship was so bad. I'm sorry for wasting so_

_much of your life._

_If I don't come back, I love you. With all of my heart. I feel like my soul is being ripped in half._

_I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. _

_Love, Ralph._

I put the letter down flat on the table and ran my hands through my hair, biting back more tears. I was failing miserably though. They fell right from my eyes onto the place on the table below the letter, some splashing onto the paper. It felt like a knife to the gut, and some sick sadist was twisting it around and cackling at my pain. I know time's supposed to heal everything, but time isn't helping me out at all. Each day I remember that I'm alone, and that I'm probably never going to find anyone else that can put up with me.

I wish I could forget about Ralph, which is becoming very possible. The bedsheets are starting to lose his smell, along as with whatever clothes he actually left behind. I will be able to go back into our room for more than ten minutes at a time probably by the end of the month. The lonely nights don't trick me anymore with the sounds of Ralph's laugh echoing off the walls. I'm also starting to forget what his voice sounds like. That beautiful voice that lifted my spirits every morning. His smile was becoming a distant memory. I can't even remember if he had dimples, or if his teeth were straight. Or if he even smiled with his teeth showing.

The hardest thing to forget is the feeling of our bodies intertwined. All that heat, the passion, it's almost too much to bear. I take another gulp of whiskey, the poison burning all the way down to my stomach. My mind decided to torture me a little bit with memories of lazy Saturdays and passionate Sundays, along with an 'I love you' every day that ended in 'y'. I never told Ralph how much I loved him enough. He told me every day, even when we were on bad terms. Especially on days when I was pissed off. He reminded me that he loved me.

He deserved to hear how much I love him three times a day, like three square meals, along with a dessert for after supper. I know I never deserved to even be spat on by Ralph, he chose me. And I was idiotic enough to take advantage of that. Another gulp of whiskey helped take the edge off my self-loathing. Not by much, but it was enough to be noticed. I folded the letter back up carefully and placed it gently back in its little case.

By now, I was too drunk to move from my place. I guess tonight I'll be sleeping at the kitchen table. My head fell onto the table, loudly, painfully, and I was too drunk to really care. I stared blankly at the counter tops, trying my best to focus them into one picture instead of three. Those were the same counters where Ralph had made countless meals and where we've made love. There wasn't one place in the house where we haven't had sex, except on the roof.

All of these loving memories filled the house, and all I can remember is waking up alone that day and helplessly searching for my love.

_Cause I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
>And I've thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control<br>But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
>To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain<br>From my eyes  
>Tonight I wanna cry... <em>

Somehow, I ended up at the pub down my street. I don't even remember how I got here, all I know is I'm sitting at a barstool, fighting myself to stay sitting up straight. A familiar face was behind the bar today. Pete. I haven't seen him since Ralph left me. He looked surprised to see me, "Jack, what the hell are you doing here?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. I came here for some reason." My words slurred together easily, making it hard to understand. The words sounded more like "_I dnt kneeew. I cam hur fursumre... resan..._"

"How much have you had to drink?" he asked, checking around me for empty glasses.

"T-th... tree buttles uf vine... nd a thingu whiskeh," I replied, after a moments thought.

He looked around again, not exactly believing me. "Where?"

"Hume..."

"Did you and Ralph have another fight?"

Fresh tears sprang into my eyes, "I vish... 'den he'd stilll be vith meh..."

Pete's eyes went wide, "He left you? When?"

I shrugged, "A... a... veer ndu bit..." Pete stayed quiet for a while. "Can... you.. gerv meh sumthan strng?"

He shook his head, "I have to cut you off. You can barely sit up straight."

Tears started falling from my eyes from disappointment. I need something else to get my mind off of Ralph. Tonight I haven't even come close to forgetting about him, in fact, I've probably remembered him more than ever now. Every other time I came here, I would always go home to Ralph, and now, I have nothing to go home to. "P... pwease P-Pete. I-I-I need it..." I begged, falling against the counter, "I need it..."

"I'm sorry Jack, but I can't," Pete apologized, then looked at the other bartender, "Mike, this guy's a friend and I need to take him home. Cover for me?" The guy named Mike nodded and turned back to the young man ordering some beers. Pete walked around the bar and put my arm around his shoulder and hoisted me up. I practically let him carry me out of the bar, my feet not even trying to move on their own.

He dragged me down the sidewalk, the air unusually cold for May. "Whu-What time is it?" I asked, my speech sobering up a bit.

"Past Midnight. Don't you have to work tomorrow? It's only Tuesday."

I nodded weakly. "Only for a few hours though. They're tired of me being drunk at work..."

Pete shook his head, in a disappointed way. "What would Ralph think?" I started to sob uncontrollably, into the side of Pete's neck. There were no words to describe how upset Ralph would have been to how I'm acting, but I can't stop. Without him here, I don't have anything to live for. "Shhh... this is your house right?" Pete didn't sound the least bit remorseful of what he said. I nodded.

He tried to balance me while he opened the door, which I had left unlocked, like the brilliant person I am, and he led me into the house. I gasped at the mess, so did Pete. Apparently, I trashed the place before I went to the pub. "Oh my..." I gasped, trying to see how bad I messed the place up, but my vision is still pretty blurred so it just looked like a streak of colors. Also the house was completely dark, making it harder to see anything.

"What the hell did you do? How did this even happen?" He dropped me onto the armchair in the middle of the room, then looked around for something. My guess would be a light switch. As he walked towards one of the walls, he stepped on something glass and it broke under his weight.

I didn't even want to know what he stepped on, "Please... just leave..."

Pete stopped moving and looked at me. "I'm sorry about everything Jack. Not even you deserve this." With that, he walked out the front door. I looked around once more at the huge mess I managed to create, then I let darkness sweep over me.

_Cause I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show  
>And I've thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control<br>But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
>To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain<br>From my eyes  
>Tonight I wanna cry.<em>


	3. A Phone Call

I looked outside my bedroom window, staring into the sky. Light blue, no clouds, a happy day. Too bad I can't feel that happiness. All I feel now is loneliness, but I guess it is my fault. I wonder how Jack is doing now. Jane moved around downstairs, scraping her chair across the floor. It wasn't too loud, but it was the loudest in the house at this moment. I rushed into a marriage almost as soon as I left Jack, which was very stupid on my part. Jane is a nice person, but the only reason I even got near her was because of her aggressive nature and copper hair.

Mother found me once my marriage was official. She congratulated me and went on and on about how smart I was to leave behind "that scum". I've never heard her actually use Jack's name in conversation. Mother didn't even tell Jane about my previous relationship, scared that she would break off the marriage and take our son with her. He was in the next room, having a nap, presumably. It's been almost three years since I left Jack. Did he find someone?

Probably. He had no trouble finding someone when we were together. I cling to that excuse so much nowadays, trying to justify what I did to myself. Fact is, I already forgave Jack, the moment he confessed. That's scary as hell and I ran away. Jack was willing to work things out, why wasn't I?

Jane knocked on the door before entering. She never waited for a response for me, just gave a two second warning before she opened the door. "You know, it's our anniversary tomorrow and I thought we could hire a babysitter and go out for the night," she suggested, sitting down on the bed we share. I looked at her blankly from my windowsill seat, trying to pick out what was different with her.

"You dyed your hair," I stated, completely serious. There was no question hidden in there, just an accusation.

She smiled brightly and ran her hand through her, now, black hair, "Yeah, I did. I think it looks good." I felt angry, for some reason. She shouldn't have done that without telling me. "You know, most men don't notice, but you always do. It makes me feel so lucky-" she gushed, bringing her legs up onto the bed and crossing them.

"I hate it," I cut her off, then looked back out my window. I could imagine the shock on her face, then the anger that mirrors my own. Her green eyes would be alight with rage, and I couldn't bring myself to care.

I could hear her grind her teeth in frustration, then she asked, "Why? Why do you hate it?"

"Because it's not the color I love," I responded evenly, not even gracing her with a look.

"What color do you love?"

"A rustic copper, shimmering green eyes, semi-tanned skin and a bright smile." My mind's theater went back to the pictures I kept hidden of me and Jack. Somehow, I managed to grab a few photos that were of Jack. I kept them hidden in a shoe box underneath my side of the bed. Not the best spot, but I don't care enough about Jane if she finds them. I looked at them the other night, the sadness still hurting my eyes in memory.

Jane must have said something to me, because she had an air about her that said she was waiting for a response. I looked back at her and she was absolutely seething. "Something wrong?" I asked, "Is my hair a mess?"

Her face darkened, "I said that I have all those traits, but you still treat me like garbage. I'm trying to mix things up, and you're resisting me the entire way!" That sounded eerily familiar. I could feel that my face looked blank and I could tell that Jane didn't like it one bit. There was a tense silence, that stretched out for quite a while, then I looked back out the window. "Look at me you bloody bastard!" she screamed, on the edge of tears. I didn't looked back, hardly surprised by the sudden outburst.

Crying came through the walls, making me look towards the wall where it came from. "Now you've gone and woken up Simon. Don't worry, I'll get it." I got up from my stoop and breezed past Jane, not even sparing a glance. She means nothing to me now that she looks like that. My heart still belongs to one person and I can't bring myself to care one bit about this woman.

"Don't you love me?" she squeaked after me, tears riddling her voice. I pretended like I never heard her, not even stopping to acknowledge her.

Simon is a fussy baby. I can tell already he won't go back to sleep, no matter what I do. Although I have so much trouble opening my heart to Jane, Simon already has a strong place in there. I've always wanted children, but accepted that I wouldn't have any with Jack, and I was content with that. Simon is everything to me now. He knows I love him too. Every time I go to pick him up, he gurgles and smiles brightly. He even gets fussy around Jane, but he probably learnt that from me.

He's the only reason I haven't left Jane. He was the hail mary from Jane to keep us together. We may still be together, but there's so much hatred on my part it can't be healthy for me. Simon's about 14 months old now. His front teeth, top and bottom, have already grown in and more are sure to come. The poor kid must be hurting because he can barely fall asleep and wakes up at the slightest noise.

The phone rang loudly, but I paid it no mind, instead focusing on my son's cute, little smile. There's some copper hair sprouting on the top of his head, but he's got my pale, blue eyes. "Ralph, it's your mother," Jane called through the house, "Do you want to talk to her now?"

"Sure," I called back. If I didn't talk to her now, she'd call me back later. Might as well get it over with now. When I got to the phone, Jane took Simon from me and went to feed him, probably. "Hello?"

"_Good afternoon Ralph. I would have come by with the news I have, but I am quite busy. You know how much I love my grandson._"

"Yes Mother. What news?"

"_I've been keeping in touch with that scum's mother, Maryanne, and she told me some interesting news._" I waited for her to continue. Now wasn't any time to break down. Just the mention of him makes my stomach do back flips. "_Well, she told me that he just got engaged to some random woman. Maryanne was worried about him and asked me to ask you to check in on him, but I told her that you would never do that._"

"Why wouldn't I do that?" I shot back, not even thinking about the consequences.

She seemed shocked at my disrespect towards her, "_I told her that you had a family already and had already long forgotten about that scum. In all honesty, I'm very glad he's moved on. Now you can focus completely on Jane._"

It sounded like she was smiling. "Mother, I want you to not be offended by what I'm about to say, but I can't think of any other way to tell you-"

"_What sweetie?_"

"You're an absolute cow, thinking you can run my life from the comfort of your own home. For your information, I love Jack, still and I'm sick and tired of dancing around that subject with you. Maryanne was able to accept me, and she doesn't even know me. I can't live the rest of my life in a loveless marriage, you might have been able to, but I can't. I don't even care if you don't talk to me anymore because I'll be with who I love."

"_Didn't you hear me? He's engaged. He won't take you back._"

I rolled my eyes, "I've stopped taking your word as law a long time ago. Goodbye Mother." I slammed the phone back onto the receiver, glaring at the piece of plastic like it was its fault I was so pissed.

"Are you okay love?" Jane asked, coming back into the hall. There was no way that she didn't hear what I just said, so I stared at her, waiting for her to ask. She never pulled the 'love' card unless she was trying to use the hail mary thing again. "Why were you so cruel to your mother?"

"She's been pulling the strings for far too long. I'll be back tonight, maybe," I replied and ducked past her, grabbing my coat and wallet on my way out.

I looked at the house I used to share with Jack. I guess it would be Jack's house now. The only sign of life was the flicker of the tv in the darkened living room. I had been meaning to replace those drapes before that fight. Anyone could see the shadows of what we were doing and I was getting very self conscience every time walked through there. Like someone was watching me. I haven't even been back on this street since I left so long ago.

It's so far away from where I work and live now, so I've had no reason to check in on him. I had to take an half and hour cab ride to get here and I shooed the cabbie away as soon as I paid him. So, I've been standing out in the sun, with a small, cold breeze cutting through me, watching the house across the street. What would he say to me? Would he invite me inside or shut the door right in my face? Did he even live here anymore?

That last thought got me moving. If he wasn't there, I had nothing to lose. I knocked on the door lightly, my nerves making me feel sick. Nothing for a while. Then it creaked open, like it was a chore to do what it was supposed to do. The sight I saw made me gasp. Jack still lived here, that was for sure, but he looked like he's been dragged through hell and back. His face was unshaven and his eyes were sunken with dark bags. He looked shocked, then rubbed his eyes in dis-belief, "Ralph?"

I nodded back, noticing how the inside of the house looked. It was absolutely trashed. Pictures were thrown onto the floor, the phone book we had was torn up and scattered around the floor, and there was many holes in the drywall, at about the level Jack's fist would reach if he were punching the walls. "Are you okay?" I asked, nothing but concern in my voice.

He looked at where I was looking and looked back at me sheepishly. "I've been better," he admitted, "I'd offer you to come in, but I don't think you want to see the mess in here."

"What happened?"

"I got drunk, blacked out, then woke up to this mess," he replied with a slight amusement in his voice.

"When?"

His reply was mumbled this time, "Two years ago, abouts..."

I twinged a little at that. Nothing in that statement should have hurt me, but seeing Jack so troubled made me sad. "How about you invite me inside and I help you clean up this mess, yeah?" I suggested, letting a small smile on my face. Jack looked torn. Like he wanted to let me in, but was too scared to.

"Okay," he muttered and swung the door open a little farther, the piece of wood seeming to catch on something behind it. Stale air met my nose, along with rotting food and whiskey. I wouldn't say anything about it just yet, so I just tiptoed through the mess, feeling around the wall for the light switch.

When I flipped on the artificial light, I was hit with the full gravity of the situation. In the dark, the mess didn't look so bad, but now, it looked crusted into the rug. I wouldn't mind throwing out that wretched thing though. It's always been an eyesore. We only kept it because Maryanne gave it to us. "I'll get started on the cleaning, you can have a shower. It looks like you need one."

Jack's head was hung, "Yeah. Thank you Ralph." He ducked away towards the shower. I made my way to the kitchen, then dug underneath the sink for the roll of garbage bags that probably haven't been touched since I was last here. The kitchen wasn't so bad. Just a pile of dirty dishes in the sink and old takeout scattered about the room. If there was any place to start, I guess it could be here.

I sifted through the old takeout containers and pizza boxes, checking to make sure nothing was living inside them. Nothing started crawling away, so I just started tossing every takeout box into the garbage bag I pulled out. I just kept the entire roll with me. Judging by this mess, I'll probably need more than one bag.

Something peculiar caught my attention. Gross, old anything was littered on every possible surface, except one, which was spectacularly clean. The small kitchen table, where we shared many meals together. In the middle sat a small recipe box. That surprised me. Jack didn't cook, and he certainly never followed a recipe when he tried.

I inspected the tiny box a little bit closer, careful not to touch it. There had to be a reason it was so immaculate in this mess of a house. I noticed a small place for a key, then settled that the box had to be locked. If he didn't want anyone to see it, I wouldn't pry. No matter how much it killed me. I turned from the small container and continued to toss garbage into the bag I was holding.

Seeing how far Jack had fallen made my own heart sink. I've been living an amazing life compared to his. My wife loves me, or she thinks she does, and I have a son that I've always wanted. I've just been grumbling about how shoddy my life is when Jack doesn't even have the motivation to sleep.

Slowly, the kitchen started to look better and better. Jack came into the room, freshly shaven and his hair darkened to a brown color. His eyes were still surrounded by bags, but he looked like a new man. He came over to me silently and grabbed his own garbage bag off the roll I kept in my pocket. Just him being that close to me brought back many wonderful memories.

He didn't say a word as he went into the hall and started scooping up some garbage. The silence between us was awkward, but neither of us knew how to break such an uncomfortable quiet. Soon, there wasn't much else I could pick up, so I moved towards the dirty dishes in the sink.

I placed everything inside the sink onto the cleared counter top. A quick rinse and some dish soap later, the sink was fill three quarters full of bubbly, warm water. Even the soap brought about a sense of normality. It hadn't changed either. The scent used to repulse me, but now I love it. I washed one dish at a time, rinsed them, then put them upside down onto a towel on the counter top on the other side of the sink.

Jack came into the room without a word, and started drying the dishes and putting them away. We worked in silence, both focusing on our respective jobs. Well, I was trying. I kept on stealing glances towards Jack, trying to think of something to say. Anything. "U-Uhm... Is there any way I could sleep here tonight?" I didn't look back at Jack, but I could feel him staring at me. "I'll clean up as much as I can and I'll stay on the couch, just, I can't go back yet."

He was quiet for a little too long, so I looked up at him. It looked like he wanted to say something, but instead settled on, "Of course. You're always welcome here."

"Thanks," I smiled, looking back at the soapy water.

It was about three in the morning already and we were nowhere near done cleaning up this mess. The most we cleaned was the kitchen, which looked better than it ever did when I still lived here, and some way into the hallway. Although, the sink was filled once again with dirty dishes. I didn't even know we owned this many dishes for only two people. "Hey Jack, let's do these dishes, then head off to bed, you probably have to work in the morning," I suggested, filling the sink with scalding water once again. He nodded and took his spot right beside me again.

We finished these dishes quicker than the first batch, our rhythm coming back naturally to us. "I don't have a job anymore," Jack admitted suddenly, sounding slightly ashamed.

There were many questions I could have asked, but, "Why?" came out before anything else.

He looked into my eyes, making my heart break. Those beautiful green eyes looked so troubled and pained, I could barely stand it. "My boss didn't actually want to fire me, knowing what actually happened and why I was like how I was. But she got some pretty nasty warnings from the CEO of the company, and she had to let me go. She told me to come back as soon as I could. She wants to make sure I'm okay," Jack explained, looking even more upset once he said everything.

"Are you okay?" I asked, staring deep into his eyes. Tears came to his eyes quickly and he shook his head. Then he hid his face in his hands while he cried. I've never seen Jack cry (after the island), so this shocked me right into place.

"I think I'm going crazy!" Jack yelled over his crying, probably to try and mask the fact he was crying, "I'm seeing you here, and that can't possibly be real. There's no way you would come back after three years and be so nice to me. Fuck Ralph, I missed you so much. I don't know what to do without you here!"

Jack has always had lots of trouble expressing himself, so this was very unusual for me. I pried his hands off his face and stepped into his personal space so I could wrap my arms around him. "I've missed you so much too..." I whispered, nuzzling myself into his chest. He didn't reciprocate the hug, but I couldn't care less. I tightened my grip and refused to open my eyes. This warmth felt so familiar, and so normal; it felt like home. My own tears started to sting my eyes, but I was able to hold them back.

I **was** able to hold them back until Jack finally returned the hug. The dam broke. He held onto me about as I tightly as I held onto him. Like I would float away if he let go. "You're really here Ralph?" he asked, sounding broken. I nodded into his chest, probably giving myself a type of rug burn on my forehead. "Why did you come back?"

Again, many different things I could say, but the one I didn't want to come out was heard. "I can't stay here," I cried, staining his shirt with my tears.

"Why not?"

"I-I have a wife... and a kid," I replied, hating myself, then I added quickly, "I came back because my mother told me that Maryanne told her that you got engaged and I couldn't let that happen! Not when I'm still so hopelessly in love with you..."

Jack tensed immediately and his grip loosened, "You're going to leave me again?"

My arms automatically tightened around him to make up for the lost contact and I shook my head fiercely. "I can't go back either. She's there, but I can't leave Simon. I can't leave you..." I don't even know what I was saying anymore. This was too complicated to make into words.

I think Jack mostly understood me because he pried my face from his chest and pressed our lips together. Warmth spread throughout my entire body, from the tips of my hair, to the tips of my toes. Tears of happiness started falling from the corners of my eyes. I moved my arms from Jack's body, to around his neck, keeping him close.

The kiss deepened shortly after that, making my knees buckle underneath me. I could feel Jack's smirk on my own lips as he balanced out my falling weight and held both of us up easily. For a second, I risked opening my eyes. I could see the bright green of Jack's eyes staring right back into my own eyes. Love. That's all I could see. My eyes closed again and I moved my lips more fiercely. A deep moan rumbled out of him, tickling my tongue a bit.

He moved us suddenly, so my back slammed into the drywall, the weak material breaking underneath my back. The breath whooshed out of my lungs quickly. I broke the kiss, gasping for air. Jack's mouth quested down my jaw line and he pressed the rest of his body against mine. I moaned at the contact of that warmth, even if it was weaker because of our clothes.

Jack's hands moved up my sides and rubbed up and down my chest. I moaned, loudly. He gripped my shirt and ripped it straight down the middle. I should be a little bit pissed, but once his warm, strong hands rubbed over my bare chest I forgot any argument I had. He became more aggressive with the side of my neck, biting and sucking harshly. There would surely be marks there tomorrow.

I gripped Jack's hair and slammed our lips together, teeth clashing and tongues fighting. Lucky enough for Jack, he was wearing a button up, so when I tore at his shirt, only the buttons went flying in all directions. A deep growl rumbled in Jack's throat after I ripped his shirt and his own agression went up. I missed this way too much for my own good.

This wasn't going to be some sappy reunion, but a barbaric clash of familiar skin. I heard my jeans rip and felt them get pushed down. He pushed up against me, squishing my nose and raising me a few centimeters off the ground. The naked skin on skin contact made me whimper and clutch at his shoulders harder. Our erections rubbed together harshly, both of us rutting shamelessly against each other.

I broke our lips, panting heavily, and I looked straight into his eyes, "Hurry up Jack. I can't wait anymore."

If I thought he was moving fast before, I would be sadly mistaken. That seemed to be the only permission that he needed and moved faster than what I thought was humanely possible. My trousers and boxers pooled around my ankles and I kicked them off quickly, along with my shoes. He smashed his lips onto mine once again and pushed my up on the wall, giving me no choice but to wrap my legs around his own waist.

Suddenly, some wet fingers started probing my backside. I whimpered, feeling myself completely relax at the familiar feeling. He pushed in two fingers first, stretching me quickly. It stung, but I wasn't going to let Jack know that. I needed this and I needed it now. His fingers brushed against my prostate and my head flung back, hitting the wall loudly. "AH! Do it again!" I begged, my toes curling in pleasure. Jack bit down on my neck and added his third finger. I moaned loudly again, my eyes rolling back. He found that spot again and played with it. I thrashed my head around, trying my best to control myself from coming too soon. I pulled him from my neck and looked right at him. "...just do it..." I panted, on the brink of an amazing orgasm.

Jack leaned in next to my ear, "Beg for it." His moist, hot breath and deep voice sent tingles throughout my body right to my cock.

"Please! Please please please! Jack! I need it! I need it so bad! Please fuck me!" I begged, unable to really filter my thoughts. Jack chuckled by my ear, seemingly pleased with my outburst.

He balanced me while he undid his own trousers. I could feel the hot head of his erection at my entrance, just mere seconds away from penetration, but Jack paused. "Don't stop talking. I want you to scream for me," Jack whispered again, teasing me.

I nodded eagerly, "Please... please... ple-" He pushed in quickly, fully sheathed in one stroke. A sound came from me that sounded like I was in pain, which I was, but it was a pleasure pain. I dug my fingers into Jack's back. "Move... move..." He thrusted shallowly, causing the most delicious friction. "Oh God..." I whimpered, trying to move my own hips.

Jack lifted me completely from the wall, making him sink into me more. I moaned and clutched to him helplessly. Jack balanced me on the corner of a small side table that was tucked in the hallway, so he had more freedom to impale me. He wasted no time either. I moaned loudly, my eyes rolling to the back of my head and my head falling back on its own accord. "Don't stop!" I groaned, using my legs to push him in farther.

He moved faster, hitting that spot inside me again, which almost sent me over the edge. "Jack! I'm gonna-" He didn't help matters much by grabbing onto my cock and rubbing it in time with his thrusts. I bit into his shoulder, coming hard onto our stomachs, every muscle in my body tensing up. Jack grunted and thrust about two times and shot his load inside me. I moaned when his hot cum splashed on my sensitive insides.

My muscles relaxed almost as quickly as I tensed and I slumped on the table, panting hard. Jack was holding himself by his arms and breathing about as hard as me, still so close to me. I leaned up and kissed him lightly, happy for the first time in a long time. Jack kissed me back. The kiss stayed innocent and passionate, not venturing into the erotic just yet. I pulled back and searched for those eyes that stole my heart.

"I love you," he breathed out, meaning every single syllable.

I smiled at him, "I love you too..." I finally noticed the state of everything around us. My shirt was hanging on my elbows uselessly, my pants were across the hall, looking ripped down the side, and my neck was most definitely bruised. Jack didn't have his shirt on anymore, but his pants were still on, barely balancing on his hips, and that bite mark I left was starting to bleed. The wall he ran me into had a huge dent in it. I have no idea how we'll fix that. Oh well, that can wait until another time. I looked back at Jack, a warm smile on my face, "Do you want to room with me tonight?"

He nodded happily. "Shouldn't we clean up first?" he asked, gesturing to us.

I shook my head. "Too tired to clean, and that can wait. Let's go to bed." Jack pulled out slowly, making me wince, and helped me off the table.

"I'm sorry about your clothes," he stated, blushing slightly.

I wrapped my hand around his and kissed his fingers, "I guess I'll have to borrow some of yours."

A flicker of desire went through Jack's eyes.

Oh yes, reality can wait for a lot later.

**A.N. I'm so sorry this took so long. I had another draft, but then I got lost somewhere in the plot line. I know it seems a little rushed, but there is promise of one more (final) chapter! I'll get on that ASAP. Sorry it wasn't a songfic, no right song spoke to me yet! Thank you so much for waiting so patiently! The next part will be up soon!**


	4. The End?

Jane sat in front of the main clock in her house, tapping her fingers impatiently on the oak table beside the chair she sat in. She was seething. Ralph disappeared almost two days ago and hasn't even called to let her know where he is. He is her husband after all. She thought about calling Ralph's mother, but she couldn't let her know that she wasn't in control of the situation. Also, she didn't want to lose the money that came with Ralph's last name. The phone rang to life, making Jane jumpe in her chair.

She grabbed the phone quickly, as to not wake up Simon. He was even more unbearable since Ralph wasn't here to put up with the brat. "Hello?" she grumbled, sinking back into her chair.

"_Jane, what is happening with Ralph? You told me he would call today. What's wrong with him?_"

"Hello Helen," Jane greeted nervously, "About Ralph... well... um..." The sound of a key scraping inside of a lock made Jane pause for a second and send a silent prayer of thanks. "I think he's just coming in right now. I'll go and get him." She put the phone on the table beside the receiver before Helen could even argue.

Ralph stuck his head into the door slowly, peering around like he was scared to get caught. His eyes met with Jane's and he froze. "J—"

"Where were you?" she snapped, "I was worried sick about you! Your mother is on the phone right now. You explain to her why you couldn't talk to her yesterday."

Ralph slipped inside the house, eyes on his feet "See, that's what I need to talk to you about."

She held up her hand, making Ralph look up at her, "I don't care. You fix whatever riff you made with your mother and we'll forget these past two days never even happened." Ralph's face hardened and he threw the door open all the way, making the door bounce against the wall behind it. Jack stood at the door, like he got caught doing something illegal. This was not apart of the original agreement. "Who is that?"

Ralph rolled his eyes and sauntered into the house, calling over his shoulder, "I thought you didn't **care**."

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jane screamed after Ralph's back. Jack stood awkwardly just outside the house, rocking back and forth on his heels.

"You said my mother called. I'm finally answering her call," Ralph yelled back, picking up the phone, "Hello mother."

"_What in God's name is all the yelling about?_"

"Thanks Mother."

"_...what?_"

Ralph looked back to where the front door would be if a supporting wall wasn't sitting there, and smiled slightly, "If you wouldn't have told me that lie, I wouldn't have gone and seen Jack."

"_What's going on?_" Helen was starting to sound panicked.

Jane came into the room, glaring at her husband. "I'm glad I can tell both of you at the same time actually," Ralph beamed, a genuine smile stretched across his face, "I'm going back to Jack. There's no way I could stay in this marriage with Jane. Jane, I'm going to file for divorce." Jane's jaw dropped and there was dead silence from the phone. Jane couldn't seem to form words, but she looked over her husband more thoroughly now. She saw the bite marks and hickeys barely hidden by the collar of his shirt. Although there were a few stray ones that hid underneath his ears. She looked back at Jack, who had wandered into the doorway of the room, taking in his appearance. He looked exhausted and happy, with dark bruises forming up and down his neck.

"What the fuck?" Jane snapped, looking back at her soon to be ex-husband, "You cheated on me with this... this... THIS!" She motioned towards Jack, glaring at the two of them.

Ralph sighed, "Technically yes, but you're in this relationship about as much as I am. You just want my money." Helen choked in a breath at the accusation.

Jane had the decency to look appalled at Ralph, "How dare you say that. I am the mother of your child. I love you. Your money means nothing to me."

"So if mother cut me off again, would you stay with me?"

"Y-Yes..." Jane looked like she was in pain at the confirmation.

Ralph rolled his eyes and looked away from his wife, "Mother, I'm through with pretending to be happy when I'm really not. There's absolutely no way I will continue this relationship with Jane. Now you can support me, like Maryanne, or you can disappear out of my life again. I don't want you to leave, but I don't want to hear how upset you are with me about this."

"_I will not allow this. I will fight with everything I have to make sure you wind up with nothing. Including the custody of Simon._"

"That will be a rather interesting battle then because I won't give up so easily. You don't scare me Mother."

"_Goodbye._" The dial-tone rang in Ralph's ear,declaring the end of the conversation with Helen.

Ralph sighed heavily and looked back at Jane, looking worn out. "I'll try and get the papers for the divorce to be sorted out as soon as possible. You can stay in the house, I'll pack a bag and leave. Although I do want to discuss some matters before I do leave." He brushed past her, stopping beside Jack, "Would you go upstairs and pack up some of my clothes? I'll make some tea for me and Jane to talk." He nodded and rushed up the stairs, not daring to ask any questions, scared that his voice might trigger an explosion from the tension in the house.

Once the tea whistled and Ralph managed to rustle up some stale biscuits from the back of the cupboard, he arranged everything onto a tray and carefully took it out to the living area. Jane hadn't moved. She was staring into space, her body stuck standing upright. Ralph put down the scalding drink and breakable cups before calling out to her, "Jane, I've brought some tea. Would you sit down?"

She snapped out of it, glared at Ralph, but sat onto the couch, her posture absolutely perfect. Ralph poured her some tea, added two sugars to it, then handed it to Jane. She took it stiffly, taking a sip and her eyes tearing from the heat. "It's hot," Ralph warned a little late, a small amount of amusement in his voice. Once he fixed his own tea, he sat across the coffee table from her, nibbling on a biscuit.

Tension stretched out between them as time went on. The kind of tension where one in the room was planning a brutal murder. A small wail could be heard, but neither of them moved, their eyes fixed against each other. Quickly, the crying went away and a laughing child could be heard, followed by the deep chuckle belonging to Jack. "How could you do this Ralph? You never told me! And, suddenly, you're sleeping with some guy! What the hell is happening to you?" she snapped, unable to handle the pressure anymore.

"Actually," Ralph exhaled, placing his half-empty cup onto the table, "I've known Jack since I was a kid. We dated in college and ever since. We hit a rather big snag about two years ago and I left him. Then I found you. I only went out with you because you reminded me of him, but it wasn't the same. I love him. Nothing can change that."

Jane gulped down the last bit of lukewarm tea like a shot, "Why am I hearing about this now? I wouldn't have agreed to marry you if I would have known about this! Hell, I'm glad you said it first then. Excuse me for a second." She got up and walked calmly to the wine cabinet on display in the living room.

"I thought that was for special occasions," Ralph stated absently, not really knowing that it came out.

Jane snorted, "This is an occasion alright. I need something to help numb whatever I'm feeling." She flopped onto the couch, the hatred still raging in her eyes but her body language read defeat. The wine was opened and poured into the empty tea cup, where she took a large gulp, topped it off, then leaned back against the couch. "How come you wouldn't tell me about Jack? I might be a bitch, but I can be understanding. And I am a counsellor, I could have helped you and Jack through whatever problems that you might have had."

"You're pretty accepting about this," Ralph stated wearily.

"Yeah, yeah. Answer my question first," she ordered, finishing the cup all in one go. She gave up on the small tea cup and just nursed the bottle.

"At first, I just wanted to think about what happened by myself. To try and work things out myself. Then we got married and my mother found me. I haven't seen my mother since me and Jack told her, so I was missing her quite a lot. She was the only family I had left, since my father died when I was little. She told me that if I told you about Jack, you'd leave. And I thought if you left, she would leave too, so I kept my mouth shut. I started to stop caring about whether or not you left, until you got pregnant." Ralph took a deep breath, nibbling on the stale snacks he found. "I've always wanted a family, so I couldn't just leave. And I never wanted Simon to grow up without his mother. I know what its like to have someone you love ignore you just because of who you are. And I couldn't live without Simon either. If I couldn't be with Jack, I'd be the best father I could be."

Jane was giving Ralph a hard look, even though he couldn't see it. "What's going to happen with Simon now? I don't want to give him up, but I can't support him on my own. And, knowing your mother, she will try her best to make sure that you have nothing to do with that boy."

"I don't want him to not know who his mother is. That would be cruel-"

"No, what's cruel is when he gets old enough and starts asking why his daddy is with another man. I may not have as much a problem with it as I should, but it's not exactly something that society looks highly upon. He won't get it. Hell, he might even get beat up over it! How could I possibly explain to him what happened to us? He'll be so confused! I also don't want him chasing around other boys because he wants to be like his daddy!-"

"So you'd have a problem with it?" Ralph cut her off, appalled.

She held up her hand as if she were telling him to stop, "I want that gurgling, baby powder, smelling, drooling little bundle of pink meatloaf to be happy in his life. If that means finding another guy, I really could care less, but I do not want him chasing other guys because he thinks that it's the only option."

"I'm not letting you raise him by yourself, if that's what you're implying. He won't be gay because I'm gay. That's something he'll figure out for himself. And if you find someone else, he'll notice that guys also end up with girls. I actually find it offensive that you think that my ideology would be forced onto my son," Ralph growled, his fists balled up tightly enough so that his knuckles were white. He took a deep breath and loosened his hands before continuing. "Jane, I trust you with our son. Completely. I know you only want what's best for him. All I'm asking is that you give me that same respect."

She bit her lip, fighting the urge to apologize. Her pride was too stubborn, but she knew that she was wrong. "Sorry Ralph. It's just about your mother. I've never known anyone to turn their backs on their children so easily. It scares me I'll do the same thing and I don't want to lose him. And I know that you're a good guy Ralph. He's so important to you. I do believe you only wants what's best for him." She took a swig from the wine bottle and slumped further into the couch. "What else needs to be discussed? I feel very informed about everything."

"I would rather settle this without my mother. You know that she would only get her way and push me out of your's and Simon's life. I know it might hurt a little bit, but I would like us to be friends, or even just be civil with each other. Not for my sake, or yours, but Simon's. When he does learn about what happened, I don't want him to think there was any bad blood and he has to choose sides."

Jane thought about it, then held out her hand, "Deal on that part. I might be mad at you now, but I can't hold a grudge too well. My memory's too bad." They shared a weak laugh. "What about the divorce? The house? Custody?"

"Well, we do need lawyers for everything. I don't want to spend too much and I want this to be dealt with as quickly as possible. For the house, I would give it up to you, but if you decided to sell it, I would like 20% of the profit. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Only 20%. And that's if I sold?" Ralph nodded. "But what if I decided to sell it in the future?"

"I would like to think that our deal is still good. I'm letting you take 80% because I've already got a home to live in. It's mostly because I feel like I still deserve something that came out of this chapter of my life. Oh, yeah, all the furniture would be yours and all profits would be yours as well."

She nodded her head. "Sounds pretty sweet. Get some paper. Otherwise I might barter a little bit more." Ralph rolled his eyes but did as he was told, and grabbed a pen while he was at it. Quickly, he scribbled down their recent agreement. He initialed beside it, as did Jane. "What about our savings?"

"Half."

She raised an eyebrow, "What? No negotiation on that?"

He shook his head, "Absolutely not."

"Fine, I believe it's fair." That was added to the list, with two initials beside it. "Now. About Simon. Having him switch on weekends seems hardly fair. Also if we decide to raise him long term, it's really unfair to make him move from place to place. If he makes friends, we can't just take him away."

Ralph thought about this for a bit, "Would it be alright if Jack came in with us? He would be helping me raise the boy." She nodded. Ralph got up and searched for his love. He was still in the nursery, playing with Simon and his toys. Both were smiling brightly and looking like they were having the time of their lives. Simon noticed Ralph first and squealed, grabbing in the air at his daddy. Jack looked up and smiled warmly.

"He's such a happy baby," Jack smiled, picking him up to hand him over to Ralph within a few steps.

"Only with you," Ralph replied and placed a small kiss on Jack's lips, "We're talking about custody of Simon and I'd like you to come and talk with us. After all, if I do get him, then you'd be getting him too."

"Okay." Jack followed Ralph back into the living area. Jane was thoughtful enough to move to an armchair, leaving the couch open for the two men. Ralph sat down first, looking confident, while Jack sat beside him looking rather uncomfortable. Simon gnawed on Ralph's shoulder, drenching the shirt in spit.

The wine bottle sat on Jane's lap, about half of the wine gone already. "I was thinking, maybe, for the first few years, I would take custody of Simon, but you would visit whenever you could. Only because you'll probably be trying to find someone else to be with and you don't want to have to make arrangements for Simon and be a single mother and also have to work on top of that. I already have a job, but I can quit and Jack can go back to his job."

"Sounds fair enough, but what about when he goes to school?"

Ralph held up a hand, and looked to Jack, "What do you think about that? Would you be okay with it or should we work out something else?"

"I think it sounds good. I don't have any problems with it. And for school, he'll live with whomever has the house closest to his school, but there is still unlimited visiting privileges. And once he becomes old enough to decide for himself, he can choose. It's not like either of you are planning on leaving the city anytime soon, so he could still have his friends. But, also, when the time rolls around for him to start school, you could talk again to work out something better suited for what's happening at the moment," Jack offered. The silence afterwards made Jack blush bright red and sink away.

"I like that. It sounds fair and unbiased. Also, we can't have any hard feelings over his chooses to stay with," Jane agreed, sitting straight up, holding out her hand for Ralph.

"Deal." He shook her hand, then wrote awkwardly on the scrap paper about Simon, then initialed and added a final signature. Jane did the same, then Ralph handed the sheet to Jack. "Would you sign this as a witness? If we present it like is and there's some bitterness between us, we need a witness that will stand by the validity of this paper." Jack nodded and added his loopy signature to the bottom of the page. "Do you want us to take Simon tonight? Or should we wait until tomorrow?"

Jane waved her hand dismissively, "Tonight would be fine. Do you need to use the car? Would you be pissed if I went out tonight and hooked up with someone?" she asked bluntly, getting up and stretching out her back. Ralph tucked the paper into his pocket and stood up as well.

"It doesn't matter to me. As far as I'm concerned, we're no longer married."

Jane looked down at her ring finger, with the small wedding band on her finger, with a karat of diamond in the center. "I think I'll keep this though," she smiled, pulling the ring close to her chest, "Even though you didn't love me back, I'm still very happy about having been your wife." An awkward silence, that only Jack and Ralph seemed to feel, stretched out, making the two men very uncomfortable. "You'll need help moving all of Simon's stuff, won't you?" She got up from her spot and headed up towards the nursery. "Might as well get this done with now..." she mumbled to herself.

She lead the way to the nursery, a small stumble in her step, with Ralph following behind closely so she wouldn't hurt herself and Jack behind him, making faces at Simon over Ralph's shoulder.

It took almost the entire day to move Simon over to Ralph's and Jack's house. Mostly because they still had to finish cleaning up, finding a room and cleaning out, then setting everything up once again. There was also the fact they had to trade off Simon while he was awake, which kept them from finishing a lot sooner. Jane slumped back at her own, now-empty house. The silence weighed down on her. She went to take another drink from the wine from earlier that day, but remembered the mess at her ex-husband's place.

She put the cork back into the bottle and went to bed, the entire day finally draining her.

Ralph fell into the living room couch, letting his aching bones groan at the sudden movement. Jack came in a few minutes later and collapsed in the same fashion into his armchair. After a few moments of relaxing silence, Jack spoke up, "Simon's asleep."

"Good," Ralph sighed, sinking further into the cushions, if that was even possible. Jack mumbled something in agreement, probably, and let his head fall back on the chair. "Do you think we're doing the right thing?" Ralph asked suddenly, the air around them going from warm to cold almost instantly.

Jack looked at his love. Ralph was looking straight at Jack, worry shimmering in his blue eyes. "What do you mean? Taking Simon in or leaving Jane?"

"Both. Simon's always going to wonder why I never just stayed with his mother. Jane might have troubles finding someone else. She is still beautiful, but no one wants the baggage of a divorced woman..."

Jack sighed, in exasperation this time, "That might or might not be true, I can't give you that answer. But, with Simon, wouldn't you rather have him see you happy and in love, then silently resenting your wife and waiting for some way to get out of it. I believe you did the right thing in telling Jane and cutting things off now, instead of her finding out by accident. I might be selfish to say this, but I'm glad you left her. But with Simon, that's something you have to decide. Instead of him getting only two parents that love him, he'll have three."

"You like him?" Ralph grinned, rather amused.

"I. Am. Putty in that kid's hands. There will be no 'nos' coming from me, that's for sure." The two chuckled a little bit. Ralph sat up on his couch and patted the space next to him. Jack moved to the spot and Ralph immediately tucked himself into his side, with some feather-light kisses on the bruises on his neck. "You did the right thing," Jack whispered, giving his own kiss on Ralph's forehead.

Ralph just smiled into his neck and nuzzled it.

**2 months later**

Ralph cradled and hushed Simon, giving him a warm bottle. Dark bags surrounded Ralph's eyes. Simon was more fussy with the change than he would have thought. He barely slept three hours straight and it didn't help that he was still teething. Simon kept on spitting out the bottle and wailing at the top of his lungs. Jack stumbled into the doorway, bouncing off the door frame. He rubbed his face and looked at Ralph in the middle of the room. Ralph didn't notice him, which could be a good thing because then he couldn't make fun of him later.

His hair was sticking up in every direction and his green eyes weren't even opened all the way and slightly unfocused. The pajamas he wore were rumpled and two sizes too big. "Do you need help?" he asked, stepping into the room and nearly falling flat onto his face.

Ralph laughed, "I don't know if I can trust you. You're tripping over thin air." Simon wailed even louder, as if yelling at them to remind him that he was still rather upset.

"Whatever," Jack shrugged and looked down at the snot-covered, tear riddled face of his adopted son, "What's the matter Simon? Are you crying because you're tired? I know I am."

"Jack," Ralph growled.

"Sorry... Did you change him?" Ralph nodded. "Are you sure?"

"Are you serious?" Ralph countered, looking at him like he was an idiot.

The crying went on for some time, then he snatched the bottle from Ralph and tasted it. "Milk's bad," he stated and trudged out of the room.

"The milk's bad? It's dated for another week!" The outburst upset Simon even more. Ralph slapped himself mentally and cooed at his son. Things with the divorce went rather smoothly, surprisingly. The judge granted joint custody over Simon, which was preferred. The house was spilt exactly like they wanted and half of their savings was wired to a single account for Ralph the day after the hearing. Helen had no authority in the court, since they had gotten a judge that was rather offended by bribery and both lawyers couldn't take bribes otherwise they were fired. Helen stopped bothering anyone once the custody was announced. Jack got his job back, but he is on probation for about six months, as ordered by Jack's boss's bosses. Jane was currently in a relationship that was on a fast course to nowhere, but she needed something reckless right now. There was an unspoken rule that her boyfriend wouldn't meet Simon. Ever.

Jack came back into the room, a fresh bottle in his hand, "Here. He probably thought you were trying to poison him." It was a weak joke, but it hit a nerve for Ralph. Normally, when he wasn't functioning off twenty hours of sleep for a month, he would have laughed and shot a joke back. Instead, he snapped his teeth together and snatched the bottle rather roughly out of his hand.

Jack knew he hit a nerve and backed away, knowing it was better to shut up whenever Ralph was pissed. This time, Simon took the bottle easily and the house was suddenly silenced. Both of them sighed in relief. "Let me take him, you need some rest," Jack offered, his hands out.

"You have work tomorrow, you should get some rest..." There really wasn't any conviction in his voice.

Jack raised his eyebrow, "Honey, I know you're running off steam right now. You're probably going nuts being in the house all the time. Let's let you get some sleep before you pass out, especially with Simon in your arms."

Ralph huffed, "Fine. But if you drop him I will leave you so fast-"

"I know," Jack chuckled, taking the warm bundle into his arms, then balancing the bottle in one hand. Ralph muttered a thanks and shuffled past him, ready to fall asleep. Jack rolled his eyes and swayed back and forth. He could tell Simon was about as tired as them. His eyes were already starting to droop and he wasn't even anywhere near full. Then he fell asleep, the nipple popping out of his mouth and light snores drifting out.

Jack kissed his forehead and placed him back into his crib, gently. He snuck out, on his tiptoes for good measure, and slunk right back in beside Ralph. Immediately, Ralph turned over and snuggled into his side. "I thought I told you to sleep," Jack said, sounding more amused than upset.

"I can't without you next to me..." he mumbled, on the verge of passing out.

"Remember," Jack whispered, bringing Ralph back from the edge for a few more seconds, "tomorrow my mum is coming to take care of Simon and we're going out. And I've asked her to stay overnight so we could go to a hotel."

Ralph sighed dreamily, "A full night's sleep..."

Jack chuckled and kissed his forehead, "Yes. A night to recharge." Jack didn't mind the lack of sex, like he used to. It also helped that he was drained and a night of sleeping sounded so much more enticing than a full night of sex. He also loved Ralph, promising to himself that he would never lose himself again. Sure, they still had spats, but they were about not cleaning up a mess, or leaving the cap off the toothpaste. Most ending with a quickie to make up, then they were harmonious again.

It was almost like they were really married.

**AN:... hey guys... I know I said soon, but then I forgot about my exams. These ones I couldn't shirk because they're worth 50% of my grade. I'm almost thinking of writing another small little epilogue, just to see how harmonious their lives really are, but, for the record, this story should be DONE! :) finally... I've finished something... anyways... comments are always welcomed, but please, refrain from being rude, otherwise I might piss you off more by being a flibbertigibbet. Trust me, that's a word. Anyways.. thanks for all of your loyalty throughout this... thing...**

**Love,**

**Thursday 3**


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